I’ve had some crazy things happen in my life, but cancer is by far the craziest. Choroidal melanoma is “the most common form of ocular cancer.” It’s also so fragging rare that there are fewer than eight thousand cases annually worldwide. Most cancer websites don’t even *mention* choroidal melanoma, let alone have more than a paragraph about it. Most of what you’ll read about CM is actual case studies, because that’s largely all that’s out there. That’s damn depressing reading. Entire lives, treatment arcs, and (sometimes) deaths summed up in a single number.
I don’t intend to be summed up like that.
But at this point, three weeks after diagnosis, I’m pretty sure I’ve read every number available on the web, and I’d have to be stupid to ignore those numbers. They aren’t pretty.
So, in the spirit of “hope for the best and prepare for the worst,” this blog will serve two very important purposes. One: I intend to write down everything I learn about choroidal melanoma and how to survive it (and its treatment!). This will not be pretty, either. It will go in fits and starts as I work my way through the process.
And, two: I will write the sermons I fully intend to give my daughter someday, when she’s ready to read them. She’s eight right now–not exactly ready for the distilled wisdom of a forty-something lifetime…not that I have much. 🙂 But if something I write here has any benefit to her as she grows, it might have some benefit to someone else’s kid out there, too…some kid whose mom or dad is also going through this mess, and who (like me) may or may not make it through.
I’m going to divvy these sermons up using tags, because, well, the cancer part and the talking-to-my-kid part are two very different mindsets, and though the impetus is the same, the outcome of those two thought processes is (I suspect) going to be very different.
The CM tag is about dying; the Sermon tag is about living. I want to live long enough for my daughter to read all of this and laugh at me. 🙂