There are times I wonder if I’m handling all this as well as I think I am. Accidentally broadbanding “The Two-Faced God” to my Facebook feed was a pretty good sign that, at times, I’m not coping well at all. I’m usually competent enough not to save my changes when I tinker with settings I don’t fully understand. I’m also usually competent enough not to embarrass myself by writing at volume when I don’t have some new medical insult to deal with or some exciting bit of news to report. I blew that last post big-time. Good people called from all over the country, convinced I was at the end of my rope and in need of immediate help. While I am profoundly grateful for that cosmic check-in with all my peeps–for a reminder that I have so many wonderful people looking out for me, spiritually and physically–I also felt very much like a girl who cried wolf.
Then there are times that I know I’m handling all this pretty damn well, considering. Today was supposed to be a routine ultrasound of a cyst I’ve had on my thyroid for most of a decade. Granted, the cyst is the size of a small grape, but it’s been stable for years. My endocrinologist called me back almost immediately today to report that the cyst isn’t a cyst anymore, but solid, and that it’s grown since it was last checked. I’ll have to have a fine needle aspiration to check if the mass is benign or malignant–and if malignant, whether it’s a metastasis of my OM, or thyroid cancer. If it’s the OM, I’ll lose my spot in the TJU clinical trial in addition to experiencing the joys of being treated for another active cancer. My endocrinologist knows all this–and she was more upset than I was. The sum total of my response to this setback was to forego doing the nightly dishes in favor of having a ramekin of ice cream and a tiny glass of red wine alongside my already-healthy dinner.
Yeah, on the whole, I’m doing okay. Thanks for checking in with me, everybody. Hugs and love to you all. I’ll keep you posted as this newest annoyance unfolds. But after tonight, my posts won’t be appearing on Facebook. I’ll still be blogging in the same spot, at “Sermons from My Desk”–feel free to find me out there–but I’ll reserve broadbanding to Facebook for special occasions. It wouldn’t do to cry wolf too often.