This story on depression explains an awful lot about how, when, and why the disease actually appears “in the wild,” so to speak. 

It also explains why, despite all my self-care, I’m sliding into dark territory.

I’ve been depressed before. I know the signs, and how to combat them. I’ve successfully done so, multiple times. Good food. Good rest. Prayer. Meditation. Getting out and doing fun things even when I don’t feel I can. Mindfulness. Love. Laughter. In a pinch, I’ve added whole new hobbies–last time, I added taekwondo (talk about your life-changers)…

This time, however, none of my tricks are working. I’ve done everything on that list except add a new hobby, and I’m still catching myself thinking things like, “It would be better for everyone if I just die.”

Like I said, dark territory.

I can’t use SSRIs, so my lack of success with self-care is really worrying. 

But if, as the article suggests, physical and mental trauma can cause depression no matter how good your self-care is, that allows me to forgive my perceived failure. And if, also as the article suggests, acourse of anti-inflammatories might help, then that’s another tool in the toolbox. Starting today, I’m deliberately pairing NSAIDs with anti-inflammatory foods and daily meditation, hoping that the three together will be more powerful than just the two I practiced separately before. Maybe this can become my new anti-depression protocol. 

Yes, NSAIDs are problematic, but I can take them…unlike SSRIs. I’d rather gamble on a stroke when I’m old than on going into anaphylaxis right now…or into a deep depression soon after.